After working with comedian Michelle Wolf to write some jokes for her monologue, Kim met with Amy Schumer to go over her monologue draft.
First up was her opener. Here’s what Kim proposed to Amy: “Hey guys, it’s so exciting to be here hosting Saturday Night Live. I know, I’m surprised to see me too. When they asked, I was like, ‘You want me to host? Why? I haven’t had a movie premiere in a really long time. Actually, I’ve only had that one movie come out, and no one even told me it was premiering. It must’ve slipped my mom’s mind.'”
Amy didn’t really seem to get that joke. “Wait, what was the movie?” she asked Kim. Kim said, “My sex tape.”
“The joke on the Internet was that my mom had to have released it – she’s my manager, she had to broker it,” Kim continued. “And there’s a lot of sex tape drama happening now where people are saying that maybe there’s a little bit more from 20 years ago.”
“Is there a part of you that’s like, ‘Let’s get that out’ because it’s probably pretty hot?’ Amy jokingly asked Kim. “If someone had a video of me fucking from 20 years ago, I’d be like, ‘Can we get that out?'”
Amy then told Kim not to do any sex tapes jokes, which we now know Kim did not listen to.
Kim then shared a joke that we now know got cut. “I know I have privilege but I still struggle,” she said. “Like most of the things that I wear, it’s really hard to pee. It’s like a whole ordeal. Let’s put it this way, if R. Kelly dressed like me, he may have stayed out of trouble.”
She also shared another scrapped joke. “Oh, KhloÃ©. You have the biggest heart. You have room for Tristan and all of his side pieces.” Amy, like me, responded with, “Oh shit!”
Kim also pitched the joke, “And Kris, you’re not one of my sisters, but I just thought I’d remind you.” Amy just responded, “No.”
“The one thing I thought I had and was so confident in is my monologue, so I’m a little confused now,” Kim said in her confessional.